Tracy Brinkmann 00:00
A simple mindset shift really change your business or your life. Stay tuned to find out. Okay, here’s the question. How are we dark horses? You know, the ones everyone is betting against the ones they don’t expect to win place or even show on the track. And they’ll even laugh on us when we talk about trying. How do we show the world our greatness and triumph? Come on? Well, that’s the question. And this podcast would give you the answers. This is the Dark Horse entrepreneur. My name is Tracy Brinkmann. What is up What is up my dark horse, friends and family. Welcome back to your weekly dose of living your best life learning. I’m your dark horse host Tracy Brinkmann and you will that my friend is infinitely more important. You are driven entrepreneur, or one in the making. Either way, you’re here because you’re ready to start, restart kickstart or just start leveling up with some great marketing, personal or business results in order to build that beautiful business of yours into the Empire. Yeah, it absolutely deserves to be man and we got another big episode today. Today, Pam, Christian shares so many amazing tips on being your authentic self, living your best life and the importance of mindset. As a part of all of this. Plus, I’m gonna let you in on next week’s interview episode guest who is a man that is all about technology and innovation. And he has taken these passion and created a tool with his co founder that further enables and empowers our hearing challenged friends. Now before we kick this off, I know that you want to keep getting all these awesome interview episodes from the amazing guests I’m lucky enough to be able to bring to you and if you’re finding any value at all in the knowledge bombs, these guests keeps dropping, then make sure you go on down there and hit that subscribe button. Why are there yep, go ahead, leave us a five star rating leave us some kind words in the reviews, leave some kind words for our guests in the reviews. You see these subscribes or ratings and reviews, tell those podcast platforms out there to lift us up ever so slightly in the rankings to help us get exposed to more driven entrepreneurs just like yourself. So take a moment and show the love and help spread the word. I appreciate it. And I know all those new driven entrepreneurs out there that will get exposed to that you help us connect with will appreciate it as well. Now as per usual, the Dark Horse crowds are chock full of personal business and marketing g o LD spilling from every corner of the Dark Horse entrepreneur HQ. So let’s get to the starting gates and go Alright my dark horse friends and family. Today’s guest is Pam Christian now. Pam is a mindset coach, a motivational speaker as well as the host of the juice podcast now pan she’s obsessed with helping you live your best life Pam believes in our ability to level up she believes that we as individuals are able to break both our habits as well as our limiting beliefs, Pam’s practice includes intuition combined with experience and methodology mixed with a personal pivot so that people can embrace themselves and shift their thinking a pan lives by the words the right mindset at the right time changes everything. Whoa, I think we could just stop right there. No, I’m kidding. Pam, welcome to the Dark Horse entrepreneur.
Pam Christian 03:33
Thank you so much for having me here.
Tracy Brinkmann 03:36
I’ve been looking forward to it when I saw the energy just in your media kit. In the end the message here especially the those words that you live by the right mindset at the right time changes everything I was like, Alright, I have to talk to Pam
Pam Christian 03:49
Tracy Brinkmann 03:51
Me too !I literally I’m gonna, I’m gonna shut up now. And I want you to just go ahead and share your story. You know, the good, the bad, the ugly, the ups, the downs that brought you to where you are today and why you love doing what you do so much.
Pam Christian 04:05
Sure. Well, I think like my story, like everyone else starts when they’re a little kid and sort of just kind of being told who you are, what you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing what you like what you don’t like, but for me, mixed in with that I had, which I probably won’t go into details. I have a book coming out soon that is going to detail all of it but I had some pretty serious trauma at a very young age that sort of interfered with my healthy relationships, healthy habits, healthy ability to see myself as a loving wonderful human being. We all are as toddlers and young children right like amazing. And so kind of went to a dark place at a young age. Unfortunately, not even knowing it push people away self sabotage undermined and then as the years went on, fought against that self fulfilling prophecy fought against the perception everyone else’s story the narrative people had created. About Me, but couldn’t really make the adjustments for some reason I would just bump up against one thing or another. And it was like victim mentality, Oh, poor me, oh, you know, this person has this, this person has that. And I just, this is just my destiny. And so then it was like, gosh, I was a teenager and I picked up a book by Tony Robbins. And you know, I know there are fans out there and then refer him. But I think the thing about Tony Robbins or anyone else who’s doing this work is the intention is to help people. So you know, whether you like him or not, he has a very good message. And I caught on to that message, I was a teenager, and it was awaken the giant within. And great book, it was it was one little nugget, I can’t even remember what it was. And it didn’t do anything at that moment for me. But it stayed with me. And at another time in my life, I was able to utilize it. And I guess what went on from there was different challenges, obstacles, adversities that I’d face your boilerplate ones like a divorce, something more traumatic, at least for me, like the loss of both of my parents within a year, both unexpected. And then everything in between a thriving career, a career that, you know, couldn’t get off the ground, self doubt, self limiting, or limiting beliefs and all those things. And I realized at various levels at various stages of my life, that the only person that was going to change those things and change the outcome of my life was going to be made. And so when I started to realize those that that each layer, each different adversity, each different challenge, I was able to face differently. So the first time I remember facing something was actually it’s really ridiculous, but it was transferring schools. And I don’t want to be the one who transferred schools and have to go to another school and couldn’t find the school that I liked and couldn’t fit in the way I felt comfortable and taking the practices that I had learned and implementing them into that transition. And then seeing the success from that and seeing Wait, there’s something on the other side, that’s better. And I carry that with me in different ways and implemented those tools that I was learning based on the difficulty that I was going through. And then each time I did that, I got stronger, right? Because you get confidence because you’re like, wait, this works or wait, I have control here. Or wait, I can actually like myself. I mean, I was taught, you’re taught not to like yourself, the viewers are taught not to like ourselves, because society teaches us not to like ourselves, not to sit there and be like, wait, why do I have a role in my stomach versus Whoo, I have a role. I’m a healthy young adults, right, or whatever the thing was, I was always a little bit more different march to be to my own drum. And now I love that. And I think it’s an amazing thing for my kids to see and all of that. But back then it felt so horribly alienating different uncomfortable. So each level, I got a new level of success, I learned I could do this. And I also became more comfortable with my authentic self, who I was as a person, truly not the mask I was wearing for the masses and got into one career and then another and sort of became, you know, I was a teacher, but I was also owning a Candy Company on the side, then the Candy Company became the main thing. And then I had three kids. So I decided I wanted a more flexible career. So I ran a real estate team for 16 years that was super successful. And at the height of my career, I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. And I had to listen to that inner voice that had been guiding me all along, even though I was like, wait, this is really lucrative. The money’s great. I’m like number one or number two all the time, what am I doing here, but I decided to trust the same voice that had guided me to where I was on that day. And took a year off kind of got to know myself better men, my parent, both my parents have passed at this point, spent a really lot of time in isolation, meditating, eating healthy foods, nourishing my soul, getting to know myself writing my book, which I wasn’t even intentionally writing a book. And throughout that people were asking me, Hey, can we talk to you? Would you want to coach me in real estate? Would you’re not in business anymore? Would you want to coach me in this? Would you want to coach me in that, and I’ve always been a healer and an empath, and people have always come to me. So coaching started, and then people were asking me to do speaking events. And it kind of just went from there. And it’s my passion. It’s my mission. My my, you know, main mission is to serve others by motivating and inspiring them to live their very best lives because life is so short in the blink of an eye. It’s going to be over and it doesn’t feel that way right now because everything feels so difficult and challenging and dark and heavy. But when you get to the end, you realize, wait, what did I waste all that time for and I’m not at the end, but I’ve seen people at the end and I can see that and so I just decided to embrace every moment of it. The Good, the Bad, the whole entire journey. This conversation with you. I’m so grateful for this. I’m so grateful to connect with you. I don’t even know you. But what a beautiful moment we’re having in my world in my life, and you’re going to be part of the fabric of who I am in my life from now on. How cool is that?
Tracy Brinkmann 10:13
See, that is that is such a cool way to look at things. And I’m sitting here taking notes and getting charged up by this at the same time. I want to loop back real quick to the whole Tony Robbins thing. And you’re right. I think there are folks that are like, yeah, whatever, Tony Robbins, but for those that resonate with him, oh my god, I remember being at a Tony Robbins event down in Atlanta, and we’re talking, I’m gonna date myself here 15 plus years or so ago. And you know, it was in this huge arena, it was probably 12 15,000 people in there. And I didn’t have great seats, right? I could probably look Tony over his head from where was that he was probably an inch big. But there was this moment towards the end, it was it was one of those three day events, right. And it was towards the end of the event and the lights went down. He he actually it was a different tone in that movie that he chilled out, right. And he was just like, Look, I just want to talk to you. And the way he was portraying this this message he was sharing. It was like, there was no one else around, it was just him. And me there was just something about the way he was able to come across. And you know, and I heard his message. Like he was like you’re saying like it was talking just to me. And it was so powerful. I actually started doing even more speaking, back then it was one of the motivators that kept me going on a more positive path, because I had just lost my daughter just Previous to that. So I was I had thrown myself into my job and personal development to keep from going back down a dark path I had traveled previously. So I hear you a lot when it comes to the the self sabotage and being on that dark path. And, and those things like Oh, wait, and then you come back to like you said, Wait, I could like myself, what’s up with that?
Pam Christian 12:08
Easy, right? Like we are taught to find the flaws. So find the flaws and find the beauty in the flaws, then there it is. And that that goes to the next thing I jotted over here about, you know, being comfortable with your authentic self.
Tracy Brinkmann 12:24
I think so much. And, you know, I want to hear your insights on this. So much of what we are taught growing up is, you know, you gotta keep up with the Joneses is the way I’ll phrase it, right? You have to, you know, you got to look like this person, or you dress like that person, you know, and I wasn’t any of those people, right? I wasn’t the good looking dude, when ugly, but I wasn’t the good looking dude, you’re right. I wasn’t six foot tall. I wasn’t any of that as I okay, well, I guess I just get to be me. And I was lucky enough to finally be comfortable in that. But yeah, it took some time.
Pam Christian 13:00
So first, just hop back to the other thing about Tony Robbins, I just want to say anyone who’s listening, whether it’s Tony Robbins, Gary Vee me, you anyone, if you walk away from any of those places, and say you didn’t get one thing, you’re not being open, you don’t have to love the person. You don’t have to love everything they stand for. But they all have something worthwhile and valuable to take away. And I just want to make sure that’s really important, because we can sit there and judge everyone and criticize everyone. But the point is, find your thing, find your thing that you hear that’s like, Oh, that’s an aha for me. And now I’m going to bring that into my life. And that’s one piece that I’m going to bring in, among others throughout the years. So I just wanted to say that and then regarding like, Yeah, but I mean, there’s so much while I was the Joneses, I you know, got past that trauma, well then get past it. But I was able to figure out a way to live with it. And I was just like, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m going to be like everyone else. So I figured that out. I had, you know, the white picket fence, the you know, the job, the spouse with the job, the kids, the dogs, all of it. And I was still left feeling empty. And I didn’t know why it wasn’t like I was trying to do something wrong. I was following the script. I was checking the boxes. And I had no idea and it was a very sobering moment when I realized you’re not being who you really are. And then I had to be like, Wait, who am I? Who the heck am I like really? I don’t I thought this is who I am. This is what my parents told me. I was and my parents were amazing, loving, supportive, but they were doing what they knew. And this is what the people around me are reinforcing. validating. Yeah, you’re getting married here. Awesome. Yeah, you’re having twins. That’s amazing. Go get your you know, baby clothing here and just do when do you have this job just doing it? Oh, you go to this restaurant, this vacation. And what is wrong with me that I’m still not happy, right? And then you start digging deep. But the thing is, you have to look at the darkness. You can’t be looking at the light all the time because when you look at the light, you’re just coasting And you’re either coasting happily, or you’re telling yourself you’re happy or you’re just not willing to make the change, it’s you have to go to those deep dark places where there are cobwebs, you haven’t been there in the longest time you close them up, and you shut the door. And you have to go back there. And you have to explore those places, and you have to feel the wounds and you have to feel the hurt. And only when you do that kind of work, are you really going to truly be able to be your authentic self.
Tracy Brinkmann 15:22
And dare it is. It’s funny, I think there’s so much synchronicity in the in the universe, and you use the phrase universe earlier, and I use it probably way too much. But I had another guest, Zack who said basically the same thing. But he said it’s a little more earthy, a little more urban. He says you just got to embrace that dark monster, you know, and I think I have to resonate, I have to echo with you. And when I when I’ve made any of my mindset shifts, and that’s sort of the question I want to go with you next, it’s when I turned and I looked back directly into whatever abyss is either in just came through, or had been previously afraid to address. I know for a long time, I battled with some addictions. And I came out of that. And I slowly built up my self confidence. But it really wasn’t until I turned around and looked back and said, Okay, now let’s go look at the monster You were right, so that you don’t become that monster again. And that was my mindset about that. It’s like, I need to do this. Otherwise, I’m afraid of what could happen if I don’t you know, you know, I’m saying? Absolutely. So. And go ahead. No, go ahead.
Pam Christian 16:37
No, I was just going to tell you, going back to the universe, you said you you probably use it way too much. You’re talking to me, you can never use that word too much. That’s what it’s all about. But people again, we’re taught everything’s in the physical where five senses not multi sensory. So people don’t realize the universe is truly something and ask the universe for what you want and be patient and know there’s a plan detached from the outcome and you are going to get the life of your dreams.
Tracy Brinkmann 17:03
There it is. I was lucky enough to be introduced it first off to I’ll attribute it to martial arts, which is a little more is far less Western leaning than, than anything else. Right. So you got a little more Eastern culture being introduced, introduced me to Bruce Lee, which opened up my mind. And I’m going to talk about the guy you saw up on the movie screens, right? I’m talking about the teachings and he wrote a couple of books that were a little more metaphysical than just martial arts focused. And that opened me up to say, okay, to guys like Napoleon Hill, and not just not just, you know, think you’re not the books there are so mainstream, but some of the early television recordings he did in the 50s and 60s, and I heard you just make a sound. So obviously, you you feel with that as well.
Pam Christian 17:55
I mean, Napoleon Hill, Bruce Lee, I love and I know he did more than martial arts and then Vincent Norman Peale. Yes. I’m reading Gary Zhukov right now. And different, different genre, different, different type of thing, but all of them. So Dale Carnegie,
Tracy Brinkmann 18:14
Pam Christian 18:15
I mean, all of them so valuable. When people say to me, I’m going a little off Gear VR I’m hearing offers, people say, Oh, I don’t have the resources, I don’t have the people around me, I can’t afford unleash the power within or I can’t do this, go get a book, go. There it is. Go on youtube for free and listen to an excerpt of a book, it’s your money, you have to want it.
Tracy Brinkmann 18:35
Here’s, I’m with someone, I want to get to this mindset thing with you. But I have to throw in another just a little story. So at a second event, and this would have been a multi speaker event. So it was like Anthony Robbins. And I think it was Jim Rohn. And Zig Ziglar one of those multi events, kinda like an old Peter low event anyway. So it Tony gets up there and does one of his does his thing for a couple hours. And of course, you know, he gets off stage, and there’s this break, and you go to the back of the room, like they used to have back then. And you’re like looking at all this stuff. And he had that that personal power to program. And it was like, I don’t know, I want to say it was 297 bucks. It was a lot of flippin money for me back then. And like, Oh my god, I can’t afford this. And anyway, so I got what I could afford, right? And, and so I go back to my seat, and I went back to the table again. And I was talking to me and I said, You know, I really want this and, you know, how, what if I wanted to get it later, you know, like after I save it up or whatever. And she gave me some literature and stuff and she goes here, you know, here’s some extra goodies for you just some freebies network so that the rest of the band goes through and I go back home that night and I get back in the bag is personal power to write the whole program that I said I couldn’t afford. Oh my god. Yeah, I was like what what what now mind you, I didn’t even Looking back, I thought, Okay, well, she just taught some free CDs or whatever, right? And so I get there and I’m listening to I’m like, I’m so stoked. I’m like a kid in a candy store, or I just met Santa as far as I’m concerned. And I’m going through the content and listening to it. And there’s like CD two or three. And he talks about being honest. And he tells a story about a guy who got something for free, and then called back and said, You know, I can’t do this. I just, I’m not, you know, I can’t be my authentic self. If I take this from you. And I thought, Oh, shit. That’s sorry. That’s me right now. Right? And so literally, the next morning while I’m sitting at my desk, or in my office at work, I’m calling up the 800 number on the back and explaining what happened. You’re like, Oh, well, it’s amazing that you are being so honest. I said, Well, I got to this CD right here. He’s telling that story. And I felt like crap for you for for listening to it. It’s as far as I did. And they’re like, oh, you’d be surprised how often people walk away with things and don’t care and anything like that. Anyway, it was just, you know, I didn’t feel like I could continue to be myself for getting that for free. And, you know, they ended up giving me a killer price for it. In the long run for I guess my
Pam Christian 21:19
actually, they should have given it to you for free for that reason,
Tracy Brinkmann 21:21
whatever, right? But hey, I was willing, I’m willing to pay the price. You know,
Pam Christian 21:25
it’s really cool. It’s you decided that you wanted to be in alignment with who you are, regardless of the external circumstances, the cool thing that happened to you that you got this that you could have gotten it for free. And honesty is everything, its integrity, and I can say that because when I was younger, after I went through the series of trauma, I would lie all the time, because I wanted to escape my life. So I would just make up stories, I was a kid, I was eight and nine, I’m not talking like 20s I’m like, you know, a little kid, and I just would make things up to get attention and get people’s attention. And when I realized the power of telling the truth, you know, your Nothing can stop, you know, no one can take ever take anything away from me again, because I am my honest, caring, you know, true authentic self. And, and there’s power in that, man there. Amen. There.
Tracy Brinkmann 22:14
So, okay, so I we keep dancing around this, this mindset shift. Because I know, every time myself and I hear in your story, too, that you’ve had a shift of your mindset is, as you’ve realized, had some realizations. So how do we how does the audience go? Alright, I know I need to change my mindset. How is the operative word? Do you now listen to the Dark Horse entrepreneur podcast,
Pam Christian 22:41
I mean, so for each person, there are different ways we hear all these different lists of things, you can do the 10 morning motivators, or right, this or that, and then you do all 10, and all of a sudden, is day three, and you can’t keep up with it. So you fail, and you don’t do any. And so the first thing I would say is choose the ones that resonate with you, not the ones that people are saying, you follow this exact program, and you’ll get this pick and choose and make it look at it as its menu and Okay, you know what I like writing down or saying affirmations, I don’t like having hot water in the morning, like so find the ones that work for you. That’s one, two, more important than what I just said, is, it’s all starts with awareness. So you may say you want these things. And you may say you want these changes. But the next morning, you have that day that you say to yourself, and you have this plan and you’re excited. Do you remember the next morning that that’s what you wanted? And do you wake up and set that intention for the day, because from what I understand from my clients and people I speak with, that’s the first disconnect. They say they want it, they say they’re willing to do anything for it. But then they kind of don’t do anything because they forget because they go back on autopilot sleeping, sleepwalking through their day and night, right. So if one day you decide you want this, you have to put it in your phone as an alarm, remind yourself set an intention, you need to write it on a sticky pad and put it on your car steering wheel, you need to put it on your computer so that it’s front of mind until it becomes a habit. And it’s using your consciousness and awareness. Otherwise, we are living like I said, sleepwalking, and then things to do to shift your mindset. Well, like, I mean, my kids, I’m a single parent, we big thing as well. The two are in college now. But we eat dinner every night together growing up and one of the things that they actually implemented is if you say anything negative about yourself, you then have to say three positive things.
Tracy Brinkmann 24:32
Oh, that’s cool.
Pam Christian 24:33
Yeah, they’re put ups so you say three products for one negative. So you know, get an accountability partner do that with them. Notice yourself talk we have like 90,000 thoughts that are 70,000 thoughts a day and 90% of them are negative. Notice how you’re treating yourself you know if I came to you with an issue or a problem, JC you would say talk me through it. You’d be supportive. You you’d give me encouragement, I’d feel motivated. But when it’s ourselves we don’t do that we do the exact opposite. No, you’re not capable. Oh no, you can’t be like that. No, you can’t achieve that goal. No talk to yourself as if you’re about your own best friend and talk to yourself as if you would talk to a best friend. More than anything other than the consciousness, I think, and I can’t can’t emphasize it enough. But I also can’t, you know, force people to do this is meditation. Meditation allows you to clear your mind, you are no longer thinking from your brain, you’re thinking from your heart, your soul, you’re letting the truth come through, you’re not getting caught up in all the what ifs and all the unknowns. Now, in the beginning, you will because there are so many of them. For years and years of your life, you’ve been living with so many of them. So we have to release that that takes time. I’ve been doing this forever. I’m dating myself here on time. And by the time you release them, your mind is, you know, I want to call it empty, but not empty in a way that you’re not smart MD in a way that you can see things clearly you can see beyond the facade beyond the veil that you’ve created for your own self. Of course, eating well, like of course, we all like to eat junk, whatever our version of it is, but that is not going to help your mind stay strong. So choose the day that you’re not going to eat well the other days. And I’m not saying you have to be like me, a juicer and all that type of stuff, but find your balance. But there’s no way your mindset can be strong, and you can make those shifts. If every day you’re eating pizza as much as pizza would be great, great to eat every day. So food hydration, hydration is so underrated, our brains can’t function without the right amount of water and hydration. So those are things that are just simple hacks. And then there are other things like this takes commitment, journaling, going for walks each day, and being out in nature, putting on your favorite music while you’re walking or listening to nothing and let your thoughts kind of just pass by you. surrounding yourself with people who are valuing you who are upbeat, who are positive, who sees the good in you the potential in you, but the good in life. And if you don’t have those people around you, then and I always have those you have those people around me not always but I’ve had those people around me for a long time. But sometimes I have my days when I wake up. And what I do is I put my headphones in, and I either get a really good motivational podcast going or YouTube thing going, or I read a good passage from a book, we have the power, we have to decide that we want to do the work. And the reason it’s work and staying negative isn’t work is because we’ve been raised to be negative and feel low level and low grade and down on ourselves. It used to take work, we used to beat ourselves up. But now we it’s just second nature. So if you want to make that shift, for the first I’m going to say your two years, you need to it needs to be active conscious and aware. Versus Oh, I’m doing this and it’s just gonna happen.
Tracy Brinkmann 27:49
Right? Yeah, no, I hear you. There was a guy, I think it was Brian Tracy that said, you know, what, if you write down your, your top 10 goals, and you put them in a drawer, and then you come back, and you’ll find that piece of paper A year later, a number of those goals to be accomplished. Yeah, well, Gil, maybe, right. So to your point, if, if, if they’re a part of your awareness, and they’re they resonate with you and you want to go after them, yeah, they might. I’m I’m with you, I’m more of the mindset of they need to be in front of mind, front of vision, even like you were saying sticky notes all over the place on the on the steering wheel. And I went through a period of time where my journaling was the first thing I would write when I would open up my journal was my top 10 goals, right, I would just write them down. And
Pam Christian 28:39
you focus on expands.
Tracy Brinkmann 28:40
Exactly. And here was the cool thing when I went back probably six months a year later, and I just flipped back and you’ll go back a few pages. And I would look, I could see some things would fall off and be replaced by other things. And some would come back later on, and some would never come back again. So just just the exercise of writing those top 10. Periodically, you will actually every day that I wrote was kind of telling me a story of Well, yeah, today I want to do it. And this week I wanted to do today, but then over the you know, over the long term, it really wasn’t important to me. But my top two or three really hardly ever changed. If there was something significant that happened in my life, they may have moved down or you know, offer a little bit, but they pretty much stayed the same. It was it was those bottom ones that kind of, you know, dropped off fell in. And again, like you were saying, if they’re a part of my awareness, like I came out of some sort of exciting event, oh my god, I want to be a top 10 speaker. Well, obviously being a speaker would just jump to the top real fast. And then and then you know, a few days later it would slowly slip down and my top would be my top again. So it was really like you said it’s all about that. That what what resonates with you and what’s front of mind and what is really important to who you are.
Pam Christian 29:57
And I feel like it’s not so much the thing It’s the actual action that you’re taking. So change. And again, like the other thing is like, so you do it for 10 weeks, and then the 11th week you go on vacation and you come back and you fall off. And week 15 you’re like, Oh, I just noticed that haven’t been doing that my goals aren’t really coming to fruition anymore. Get back on, don’t beat yourself up. Don’t be like, Oh, now I can’t back get back on. Start over.
Tracy Brinkmann 30:21
Hey, I haven’t been working out for the past three months. Well, guess what, Jim still down there, you can still go grab a weight? And you know, exactly, just pick it pick up the weight again. Yeah. So obviously, over the course of your time, and you’ve alluded to a little bit, you’ve had to, you’ve had to navigate what I’ll refer to as the Dark Horse persona, right? The ones that people don’t think you’re going to get accomplished the things they want to get accomplished. Right? Would that be fair to say? Yeah, how have you navigated that over the course of your your life, your career?
Pam Christian 30:55
So I just wanna make sure I understand your question. So
Tracy Brinkmann 30:58
Pam Christian 30:59
How have I navigated the things that have been obstacles that I didn’t think I could get through to get to the other side,
Tracy Brinkmann 31:06
it could be you, you could definitely go that direction, or you know, that just that persona of everyone that you said, you want to be around people that support you. And obviously, you have built that support group around you. But I’m imagining previously, maybe not everyone there was quite as supportive.
Pam Christian 31:22
And so how did I navigate that part? Yes. Okay. So I really didn’t even know there was a choice, I did not have good boundaries. And I was a people pleaser, and I wanted to fit in. So you can imagine I was being pulled in a million different directions, saying yes to everyone, but wanting to say no, say no to everyone and just not happy. And I think it started small. It started with me, recognizing that I wasn’t liking what I was saying yes to. And, and I think, after it was recognizing it, testing it out, testing that voice out, but testing it with something small, like maybe telling a close friend that I couldn’t go over versus a boss that I wasn’t going to go into on a certain day. And, you know, playing with it, seeing how it felt seeing what felt good and what didn’t feel good. Also, when I didn’t speak up, or set boundaries. Feeling how that felt now that I was at this new stage, I’ve had a lot of toxic people in my life, a lot of energy, vampires, drainers, whatever you want to call them. And over time, as I’ve become more comfortable with myself, I’ve learned how to say no, nicely and graciously. So in the beginning, it was a little bit more rough. And it was just like a no or like I was like I said, I was testing it out trying it on for size and all different ways. And now it’s I’m very comfortable saying look, I really enjoy this is like, let’s say we’re talking to a person talking to you, I don’t go out much. In the evening, if you want to meet for a walk, most people want to meet to go eat, I’m not really you know, a big let’s go to a restaurant and order food type person,
Tracy Brinkmann 32:55
Pam Christian 32:56
Pre -COVID. So I’m like, do you want to go for a walk, I’m up for it. If not, that’s totally cool. They do, then that’s great, because they’re really interested in me. If they don’t, they were interested in the lunch and the picture and all of that. And that’s cool, too. And that’s just not for me. And also, distancing yourself from people who you realize are toxic or are toxic is you know, a buzzword right now or just are not healthy for you. Right. And there are really easy ways to do that. It’s getting comfortable with what you want. So a lot of people have trouble weight, if I say no to them, or if I distance myself from them, I’m going to lose my whole friend group or I’m going to, you know, never have any plans and stuff like that. So start small start by saying no to one thing, seeing it, how it feels to do the thing that you’re doing versus the thing that you didn’t want to do. And you usually say yes to don’t answer the phone as much don’t respond by text as much. But that doesn’t mean have this big dramatic Fallout or cut them off cold turkey. It’s just like a slow descent and they get the message and they don’t want it either that
Tracy Brinkmann 33:56
Yeah, yeah, I’m with you on that one, especially with the I use your same phrase, or the same phrase I’ve used as well as those toxic people. And it’s sometimes it’s maybe they’re not just always toxic in and of themselves. Maybe they’re just going through a toxic time and we need to, you know, be in you, I think your resonate with this will need to be the shoulder to help them through that, you know, guide them back to the path of light or whatever phrase you want to use. But then there’s those folks that they’re just you just feel I don’t know, I need a shower or something. Right. Yeah, when I was when I was starting to step into that, that control of my world, I started doing things like you know, when the conversation started getting uncomfortable, you know, I would just first off it was excused myself from the conversation. I don’t need to partake in this kind of gossip. It does nothing for me. I don’t think it does anything for you. But if you want to partake in it, Hey, your world right right. And then later on, it became more of, you know, hey, I don’t see you can there’s polite ways of saying, really, is this the conversation we want to be having? And if they’re insistent upon it, well, then you go to Step one, and you excuse yourself. And then like you said, Sometimes there are folks that are just like, whatever is going on inside them. They’re like, Oh, he’s right. I don’t really want to go down this path. And then they check themselves. And it’s all good and written, right? And, you know, you can help help them through whatever they’re going through. Does that make sense?
Pam Christian 35:31
Of course, absolutely. And I think also, like, a lot of times, when you start setting boundaries, word gets around, you know, you’re not the person to go to for those things anymore. At this point in my life, people rarely rarely will come to me with anything, for lack of a better word, toxic, negative, unless I’m, you know, their coach, they’re my coaching client, or they’re coming to me for guidance and help.
Tracy Brinkmann 35:56
Mm hmm. No, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, setting those boundaries. Again, I’m going to go universe is full of synchronicity. I just did an episode on the power of saying no, as you started talking about, you know, starting to exert your power and do it in those little ways at first, and next thing, you know, you know, some of the energy vampires are being exited from your life. Exactly, which is phenomenal. So, now you you said this in passing, you have a book coming out soon.
Pam Christian 36:25
I have a book coming out in 2021. Probably spring summer. Yeah, I write my first book. I just started reading my second one. So I’m excited. And it’s basically I’m going to go into what it is, even though you didn’t ask
Tracy Brinkmann 36:38
for No, please. No, that’s why I asked.
Pam Christian 36:42
So it’s basically my life story, which isn’t all that exciting, but I think it’s relatable. And although I went through a specific, certain specific types of trauma, you may not have gone through the same thing. But you alluded to something that you went through, and the theme is the same, it’s trauma, it doesn’t matter what the trauma was. And so basically, I write a chapter at the end of the chapter, I’ll write something about what I took from that chapter in my life. So like living authentically listening to your inner voice, self love, self care, whatever it is, I’ll write a page on that. And then tips and takeaways for the readers to implement into their own lives regarding regardless of what their adversity is.
Tracy Brinkmann 37:24
Absolutely cool. I like that. It’s funny is I must have interviewed now, almost 50 people for this particular show. And at least 80% of them have a very similar backstory, where they’ve gone through something that they felt really impacted who they became positive or negative, right? And then they’ve pivoted from that. And they’ve been able to look back into that abyss, like we were talking about earlier to say, what can I learn? What can I glean? How did that mold me? What do who do I want to be and then they start going forward with that knowledge. And I think there’s power in that, for folks that can do that.
Pam Christian 38:07
Well, I don’t really think that’s a coincidence. I think that we have gone through the things we’ve gone through so our voice can help others. And to be honest, I never thought I’d be doing this. I’m not really despite like, what it looks like, I’m not really into videoing myself. And you know, public speaking even though I love it, it’s not it’s because it’s a message that I have to give not because Oh, I can’t wait to be on video or I can’t rent it. You know, everyone to see me. But it’s more what’s inside of me and what I’m trying to share for people to give them a better chance at a better life. And I think I think most people who are doing what I’m doing, you’re doing had to go through something really dark. To speak to this.
Tracy Brinkmann 38:49
No, that’s a good point. I thought about that. That’s it. That’s it. That’s a great point. Okay. So I want to be mindful of your time, and I appreciate you hanging out like this has been pretty cool. From the entrepreneurial side. So a lot of the audience are, I’ll say newer entrepreneurs, some of them are already cashing checks, but a lot of them are just, they’re ready to start or restart their entrepreneurial or what kind of tips would you offer from your perspective on? Okay, I’m getting ready to go out there and blaze a trail. Uh Oh.
Pam Christian 39:21
all right. One mindset is everything. Yep. Because how you go out there, or how you feel about yourself is what you represent when you go out there. So if you’re going out there, meek, shy, uncomfortable, not feeling confident in yourself, that’s what you’re selling. Who wants to buy that? Not me?
Tracy Brinkmann 39:36
Yeah, there it is.
Pam Christian 39:37
Right? your database is the lifeblood of your business. I don’t care what your business is. It’s all about your relationships, nurture the heck out of your database. And if you don’t have a database, build one and build it now and get it going and attack it from all different angles. Because if you’re not adding value to the people, you know, lives, they have no need for you. And there are lots of people doing exactly what you’re doing, who could add value and adding value could be sending a text saying, Wow, it’s COVID. And we’ve been dealing with this for a while, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and want to see how you and your family are doing, that’s adding value, you don’t have to be talking about your business, you don’t have to be selling it, cementing relationships, so that when the time comes for them to meet your business, or you you are who they want to go to
Tracy Brinkmann 40:31
you become you become front of mind,
Pam Christian 40:33
exactly, then the lead with revenue. So you know, you can put some money out there, but don’t be so wasteful, that you’re not you got to make some money to spend some money. So obviously, we have startup costs and all of that stuff. But you got to have an analysis. So take a certain amount of months, whatever it is, if you’re not making money at that time, reevaluate your your expenses, constantly inspect what you expect to reevaluate your p&l constantly be looking at the numbers, not because you should be afraid to jump and take a chance or invest in something without necessarily making the money back right away. Because we all have to take risks. And that’s your comfort level. But if you’re not looking at it, and you’re not I talk to people all the time, like what is the PnL? What is it? What
Tracy Brinkmann 41:24
is this mic working?
Pam Christian 41:27
And then read as much as you can about startups about starting a business about what people are looking for about what you should know about what you can offer? Just what’s the word and how all the information that doesn’t mean you have to agree with all of it, you’ll see what resonates and you’ll see what doesn’t be a constant student.
Tracy Brinkmann 41:47
Yeah, I’m working on that. I think that’s one of the things where I’ve been lucky is the fact that I love the learning process, right? Maybe sometimes too much right? where you’re like, I’m gonna buy that course to I’m gonna buy that course. Do I need that book? Right? And next thing you know, you’re you’re spending so much time forget the, you know, the resources, right? You’re spending time, which is a resource in learning all this stuff. Okay, good. Good. Now go take some action with it. It’s funny way back when, like I mentioned, I threw myself into my work at the time, I was working at Coca Cola and personal development, I actually started signing my emails back then and letters and any correspondence with think successfully. Tracy pregnant and I thought that was cool. And and then it then it hit me, Oh, my God, I’m taking in all this information. But I’m not doing any dang thing with it. Right? So I started realizing I’ve got to start taking some action, I got to start, okay, now, I’ve got this great lesson. What can I do with it today, or tomorrow, or this weekend, right. And then you’ll start doing those things. And as I started to realize that inside me, I changed my signature from think successfully to think successfully and take action. And it still is the same thing today. And that was, gosh, 30 years ago.
Pam Christian 43:07
I love that. And I and I also think that this is something that we have not been trained to think about or do that, I think is something that’s critical. And I learned it when I took time off is you can work in your business, and you can work on your business. But when you take time away from your business, you can come back with more clarity, more ideas, more space, so that you can have different perspective. But if we’re working on it, or in it, or on it, or in it all the time. You You don’t it’s the same thing with a relationship, you kind of need to take a step away sometimes to see what’s really happening there. Yeah, and it’s the same thing with our business. But we feel like no, we got to grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, I take a few walks every single day today for two hours. I’m writing right now, not right now. But like, this is what I’m doing these days, I should be writing and I sat in my chair for two hours and just was thinking and I’m like, Oh, this is such a waste of time. Pam, this is such a waste time. And then my other side of me is like, Oh, this is exactly what you need. This is part of the writing process, right kind of processing. And I think that’s for any business. Give your mind a break. So that so the stuff whatever the thing is, can come to you.
Tracy Brinkmann 44:15
Yeah, no, absolutely. That’s that’s gold right there. All right. Well, I want to there’s so many things I want to travel I’m gonna have to have you come back again. Probably. I’m thinking of probably about the time your book is dropping would be a great time to have you come back. And we can we can dig around in some other areas. You can tell us more about your book. Absolutely. But if someone wanted to go find out about more about Pam Christian and all her goodness, where should we send them to?
Pam Christian 44:43
I mean, I think at Pam Christian with two Ns at the end on Instagram is a great place because I give so much mindset tips, motivational and inspirational quotes, videos, pop, my podcasts, all that sort of stuff and fun stuff and it’s free. So I would start there. My website the Pam Christian group.com. And I think those are the two best places. All right, I’ll be sure we’ll make sure that those links are in the show notes can people can just click right over and connect with you right away. Pam, I really appreciate you hanging out with us and sharing some of these great nuggets with our audience today. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
Tracy Brinkmann 45:21
Thank you. Whoooo? Well, there you have it my dark horse friends and family. Pam Christian, dropping some mindset knowledge bombs on us, right what it has resonated with you? Well, let me show you a couple that I took away. One, the only person that can and will change the trajectory of your life. Yeah, that’s you. Look, I get it. You were dealt a bad hand. Yeah, you ponied up to the bar of life. It was given a glass full of something you found really hard to swallow. Heck, you only one drink it, you pushed it on back to the bartender. Guess what, you’re not alone. Drink it, don’t drink it. It’s up to you. But here’s where you really can set yourself apart from the sheeple that are out there complaining about their lives, and then doing nothing about it. You my friend can rally together whatever resources you have at your disposal right now and begin today to take and create that first step that is about to become the rest of your life. Look, stop freaking wait for the kids to be out of school for your next tax return for your spouse to say it’s okay for the sun and the moon and the universe to align or whatever it is you’re waiting for. Stop right now. Okay, well, after you finish, listen to this episode. But stop and write down what you want for the rest of your life. What you want, not what your parents want, not what your boss wants, not what your kids want, not what your bestie wants, what you in your heart of hearts wants, and knows what is right for you to set your path upon. Now, armed with that knowledge, what single step Can you take today? Not tomorrow, not next week TO da y today? What single step Can you take to start making that happen? Look, this podcast didn’t magically appear out of nowhere, right? Okay, maybe viewed it. I wanted to make it happen. I made it happen one step at a time. It started with a simple desire. turn that into an idea. turn that into an outline. turn that into reaching out to people I knew that I wanted to interview that I thought could bring value. Then I turned that into reaching out to people I didn’t know but admired that I wanted to interview. And here we are 38 interviews and 137 episodes later. Is this podcast everything I originally imagined. No, no, actually, it turned out to be more. It morphed into something more than I originally planned when I started, but therein lies the key. I started. I took that first step. And you can too. Thought number two, who are you really Alright, so I mentioned sheeple a little bit ago maybe that turned you off. Or perhaps you totally got what I meant. Either way here’s the deal so much of our world in our society is to is designed to turn you and me into just that sheeple a herd of people following a predictive and even a predetermined path of school more School, which means school debt to move going to work, which means now you’re working to build someone else’s dream. Yeah. Okay, place to live. So let’s buy a house more debt. Right? Oh, I need to keep up with the Joneses. I need that cool car more debt. Now. Now I need to procreate. And when you procreate, then you start teaching those little versions of you to do the same damn thing. But you, not you you’re a dark horse, you Dark Horse, my friend, you hear something inside you telling you, you know what, that’s not who I am. Also, I’m not the monster of the person I used to be? Well, good. All right. Welcome to my world. So that just prompts me to ask again. Who are you? What do you stand for? What will you not stand for? And what is your superpower? What is that gift that you bring to the world? That is your moral imperative to share with the world? What is that superpower that when you engage it with others, it will improve not only their world, but the world of those that they touch, as well as your own world? I asked you No, no. Let me rephrase, scratch that I challenge you to sit down and really answer the question. Who are you? Who am I right? And then take it one step further. Who do you want to become? Oh, yeah, who do I want to become? ask that question. And then listen to your heart, your mind, your body, your soul, whatever part of you that responds even if it’s your pinky, my pinky is talking to me, right? And then write that response down, though. judge it. After all, it’s you. It’s not society, it’s not your mom, your dad, your spouse, your child, your bestie, or anyone else, it’s you. And at the end of the day, being true to yourself about what you want from your life, your business, your family, your relationships, it all starts with Who are you? Who am I really, in thought, number three, find what works for you, and discard the rest. Now, you’ve heard me mentioned this before, if you’ve listened to multiple episodes, this is something I was lucky enough to learn way back when I was a teenager from the writings of Bruce Lee, right. And he has served me very well on this 50 plus years on this big blue spinning globe on which we all live. And it can serve you well, every single day. Now, here’s the thing, we’re all unique, right? We’re all these unique creatures due to our personal upbringing, and the experiences that we’ve already gone through, that has shaped you into who you are, at this very moment. So to say, Hey, here’s the best way to change you into the best version of what you could become is a bit presumptuous, right. So what I would say is go out and find a number of tactics for whatever the thing that you want to change in your life, maybe you want to improve your relationship, maybe you want to improve your business, you want to do better marketing, you want to be a better person, whatever it is, go out there and research different ways. You know, maybe it’s find a coach who knows different ways, in fear, and then figure out the one that resonates with you, but find a number of tactics for whatever it is that you want to change in your life, right, one or more of them are gonna resonate with you, or they’re gonna speak to you as you’re doing that research. If you feel like, Well, you know what, that tapping there kind of sounds kind of cool, or easy or fun or whatever, right? Then give that tactic a shot. Now, mind you here, I mean, you need to truly give that one tactic a good solid drive, you got to put everything into it. I mean, you and I both know that you’re going to have to put the work in, right, right. Yeah, okay, I figure head nodding, then, then after you put the work in and giving that tactic a true chance to do to work, it’s quote, unquote, magic, then if it doesn’t do well, all right, then move on to the next tactic that you got in your research that resonate with you do not and I repeat this, again, do not try two or three or more things at the same time one, you probably won’t be able to consistently do them at the same time. So you’ll give up early, it didn’t work, I tried whatever. And to, if you are able to do them all at the same time, consistently, and it works, which one really work, you won’t really know. So to keep getting the same result, you’ll have to keep doing all two or three or more of those tactics. And you’ll be doing the work of two or three or more wins probably just need to be doing the work of one versus all three. So by doing one at a time, and finding that one that resonates over the long term, and you find that one that works for you, over the long term, you’ll actually do a lot less work than if you do two or three at once and say oh, wow, this works. Alright, so what inspiring idea or tip or thought resonated with you today, right? Whatever it is, take some time today and put it into action. That’s it, write it down somewhere, and begin working on it. Get out there, run your race, get your results, and come Let me hear about them. Seriously. I mean, it is no joke. That’s why give you my email Tracy at Dark Horse grooming.com. Share the tips or ideas that you came away with how you put them into action and what results you gained from them. Heck, who knows might even bring you on show and let you share your story with the listening audience here at the Dark Horse HQ. Now, next week. Oh man next week, I get to interview my guest a longtime friend Jabari Butler. Right. He’s the co founder of sign one news. No sign one news is the first and only cloud driven Digital Network partnered with Google and World News Leader cnn to offer online news and information in American Sign Language. Sign one news provides media and production services and equal access to local regional and national news and information to the deaf and hard of hearing community via live streaming in daily posts. produced broadcasts. Yeah, right. That’s cool. And their their tagline is cool. Sign one news, your life, your language, my friend, co founder. You don’t want to check this out. Now, I know you want to keep getting all these valuable tips and these inspirational stories from this podcast and the guests I’ve been able to bring on so go on down there. Hit that subscribe button while you’re there. Yeah at it. You know, I’m gonna say leave Give us a five star rating. write some kind words in the reviews, leave some kind words for these guests that get to come on here and share their inspirational stories and their nuggets of wisdom. And of course, don’t keep all this entrepreneurial, g o LD all to yourself, share the podcast with other entrepreneurs and business owners, you know will get value from it. Here’s what OMG do. Reach right over there to that friend of yours right over there. Yep, that one right there. Grab their phone, go to their podcast app, look up the Dark Horse entrepreneur and subscribe them because you know, they’re going to get value from it. Alright, until next time, I’m gonna leave you as I always do think successfully. Take action. Oh, by the way, give them their phone back. calculator. Thank you for listening to the Dark Horse entrepreneur podcast. Thanks for tuning in. Check us out at www dot Darkhorse schooling.com My name is Tracy Brinkmann.
EP 137 Pam Christian The Right Mindset At The Right Time Changes Everything
Can a simple mindset shift really change your business or your life?
- They Only Person That Can And Will Change The Trajectory Of Your Life Is YOU – Look I get it you were dealt a bad hand, you ponied up to the bar of life and was given a glass full of something you found hard to swallow. Guess what, you are not alone. Drink it, don’t drink it, it is all up to you. But here is where you can set yourself apart from the sheeple that are out there complaining about their life’s and doing nothing about it.
- Who Are You Really – Okay so I mentioned sheeple a little bit ago. Perhaps that turned you off or perhaps you totally got what I meant. Either way here is the deal. So much of our world is set up to turn you into just that….sheeple.
- Find What Works For You – Discard The Rest – You have heard me mention this before. This was something I was lucky enough to learn as far back as a teenager from some of Bruce Lee’s writings. It has served me VERY well across my 50+ years on the big blue spinning globe and can serve you well every single day.
Pam Christian’s links